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You can do it all.

But, as it turns out, not all at once.

Waking up this morning I immediately started rolling out more ideas for our farm plan. Certain that my head has not stopped spinning about all of our ideas for the future. Big dreams need big plans, need big effort and come with big worry and big fears.

“What if we fail? How will we make this work? How will we afford it? What are we doing?”

In the past I have talked about my dad’s passing, and all of the ways it has affected me. As I move back to our family’s farm, a lot of old feelings have come to the surface. I feel the lack of my dads presence everywhere. Wondering often if our taking over the farm would make him happy. Questions about cows, how to build a good fence, how much hay do we need?

Hudson strolling in the wheat
Hudson on a stroll through the wheat.

Passing away at 63, too young and far too early for him to see how my life has turned around. Does he know that everything I have is more than I could have wished for?

Slowly working through the stresses of all these big changes, and the feelings that come with it. I can do it, but maybe not all at once.

Learning to lean on those you love and love you.

Although, we still have a lengthy to do list lingering around, on the worst days my thoughts will drift to my dad. Reminding me about living. Truly living. Refusing to wait for the one days and some days. For these reasons we are choosing to remember that each step forward, no matter how small is marching us closer to our dreams.

However, if things still feel too big I am learning to lean on others. Personally, I have almost always liked to do things alone. For me, I felt it was almost like a personal failing of sorts that I ask for help. Asking for help as it turns out has allowed me even more space to dream big, spend less time worrying about the things I can’t control and to keep moving forward. We are fortunate to be surrounded by people who believe in us, and support our wildest ideas. As it turns out the saying ” If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” is ever so true.

Perhaps I should change the title of this blog?

“You can do it all, but not at all once, and you don’t need to go alone.”

Here is to doing it all, but maybe just not all at once.

Love,

Emma

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